“For the LORD your God is a merciful God; he will not abandon or destroy you.” Deuteronomy 4.31
From the need to be understood
From the need to be accepted
From the fear of being lonely
Deliver me O God
Deliver me O God
And I shall not want, I shall not want
When I taste Your goodness I shall not want
–Audrey Assad I Shall Not Want
Lately I’ve been struggling with feelings of abandonment. My husband is gone, has been gone for a looooooooooong time, and has been incommunicado for 90% of that time. Also, my swimming friend has been out of the country for a couple of weeks, a dear friend just left for another country yesterday, and I took my oldest son to camp on Tuesday. Seriously?? Everyone is leaving me!! Cut it out, people. I know, I know, I have many good friends still here. I didn’t say I was being rational about the whole thing.
On Monday I cried out to God. Sobbed, kicked, yelled. Finally calmed down enough to reach out to Him, to say, “My God, don’t leave me, too. Comfort your little child.”
On Tuesday, while driving along I-84 to take my son to camp (sob, sniff, cry), I received this in my inbox: “God’s job, I think, is to keep lovingly disrupting our lives, and our job is to see if there are fresh opportunities for faith hidden within those disruptions. As a result, God keeps finding fresh ways to shake up our complacencies and challenge us to resist the seductive temptation to play the victim” (from Startled by God). Phew. I certainly needed that. God gives me these little–yes, little– disruptions, these little abandonments as opportunities! Opportunities to grow in faith, to depend upon Him a little more, to strengthen relationships with other friends, to realize that all others will fail me at some point, but He will never leave or forsake me (Deut. 31.6). Because He is God, and not man (Hos. 11.9).
Comfort your little daughter, O Lord. My Jesus, I trust in You!