As it turns out, I’m not an expert.

This may come as a surprise. (For me it did, anyway.) I am not an expert on marriage. Even after being married for almost 15 years. Here’s how this revelation came about.

This morning I was reading an article in the Endow magazine about freedom in commitment. The author, Katherine Meeks, spoke about how freeing it was to say, “I do,” on her wedding day. And then she hit me with a 2×4. “As I stood on the altar squeezing Matt’s hand, I promised Christ I would forever love him through this very man.” Woah…what?? How have I been married 15 years and not had this very simple, rudimentary, elementary bit of information? Of course! Of course that’s what Christian marriage is! Doesn’t Paul say something about this in his letter to the Ephesians?

So yeah. When I look at marriage that way, when I think that my husband is the man through whom I have promised to love Christ, I fall to pieces. Because I haven’t loved him. Not the way he deserves. Not the way Christ deserves. And honestly, sometimes I’ve treated my husband like sh**. So I guess I’ve treated Christ like sh**, too. That hurts. That’s humbling.

I’ve failed. Miserably. The only thing I can do is to beg forgiveness, let my Divine Lover pick me up, and love my husband and Him today the absolute best I can. Repeat tomorrow, the day after, the day after. Till death do us part. Amen.


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