I read this year a little book by Wilfrid Stinissen titled Into Your Hands, Father: Abandoning Ourselves to the God Who Loves Us. I had been working on it for a few months. It’s one of those that grabs you by the throat and throttles you but in an oh-so-gentle, loving manner.
Abandonment to God and His Will is something with which I really struggle. As a firstborn, I want to be in charge, in control. Especially when my life feels out of control. If I can just get something right, I think, I’m still okay, still worthwhile. Big problem. Measuring my self-worth by accomplishments or what I can grasp in my hand is a short road to despair. Because I can’t do everything, and I can’t control everything and everyone. No matter how hard I try.
The author says that to live in the present moment is how we abandon ourselves to God. “We encounter the infinity of God only in the present moment.” God is. He was and He will be. But we only are. The past is over, the future may never happen. Only the present is certain, and that is where I can meet the divine. Replaying the past, saying “If only I’d done things differently” is deadly. It kills my chance for grace here, right now, in this situation. Worrying over the future is wasted time. I don’t know what’s going to happen in my next breath, let alone my next year. But in this very moment, God waits to meet me, to give me his grace, his love, his mercy.
Help me to stay, Lord, right here with you.